Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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