that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
