A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
