Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
