He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
