once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
