In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
