my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
