Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
