He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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