I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
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