respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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