what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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