Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
