I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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