i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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