While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
