Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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