I'll bet she douches with gravy.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
