u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
