Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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