I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
