Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Randomize
