Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize