The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
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