the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I cut my penus on the lid.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
