So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
