dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
