Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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