I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
