I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
