Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
