Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Randomize
