So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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