how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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