So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
