Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
