i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
