Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
