I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
