Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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