I met the friendliest cop last night
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
