I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
