SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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