she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
