I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
