you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Randomize
