i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
