**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
