Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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