You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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