Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
