You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
