You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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