moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
